Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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