Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
