You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
