$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
