O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have aggressive nipples.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
