I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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