You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
