He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
