I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
