The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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