you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
