Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
