You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
