My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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