your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
