We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
