it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
