If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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