He is an equal opportunity slut.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
