Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
im drinking this country out of the recession.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
