Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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