I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
