I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
