I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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