So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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