your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
