I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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