So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
