I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
