Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
