worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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