and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
