i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
