dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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