Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
