my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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