i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
