I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
