I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
