The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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