Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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