Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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