yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
worst night to have a conscience
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
