she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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