i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
