He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
