I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
FUCK WHALES
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
