Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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