I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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