she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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