Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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