he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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