so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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