please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i think im in europe. pls send help
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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