Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My bed smells like the plague
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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